Romance..stay tuned...

 There is a saying that goes a little like this.. stop wishing for the life you wish you had and start living the wonderful life you have now. I can say that this is not as easy at it seems. Its easy to go through the motions but it takes real mastering to live a life. I can say that I think I am getting there. I have been through such a horrid disruption of my life that I really only have to choices. One, I jump off my sisters balcony, which would probably only result in a broken neck and fractured ankle. Two, live a wonderful life one day, one second at a time. I'm going to go with option two.
I decided to purge my life of the one person who was (I am sad to say) holding it back with the heaviest and softest of chains. It is a challenge everyday to not get my "fix". But its a good feeling to be able to breath. But, that's that part of my life is no longer of importance and it is no longer nor was it ever who I am or ever was. So moving on.
I have discovered that I have a talent for seeing and making something out of nothing. I have found many articles of clothing, dishes, old dresses and chairs into something beautiful. The same with food.
I love to cook and there is really no greater joy for me than see others enjoy what I have made for them. Today I was informed that it is intimidating to eat my food because I hoover over the people, watching them eat and asking if the food is good. I will work on not stressing out so much about that.
Stress is my number one enemy and just the tought of it gives me stress. blah. But like all my other demons I got this one too! Its funny how fast one can become a warrior. I like to imagine my self as this, sword and everything.
I can honestly say now that every brawl has been ugly but has made me more and more who I am today and I am delighted with the results so far. I like what my God is making me into. He is the greatest artist of all. And what a better canvas that the human soul. (cheesy I know)

I feel intoxicated with the cheerfulness of with my life at the moment, crap moments and all. I love sitting here on my bed with the oatmeal colored sunlight coming in through the windows of our greenroom. I love the length of my arms and how they can reach almost anything. But most I am enjoying my place, right here right now.
I feel like Carrie on Sex and The City when she is in Paris and she is sitting in a cafe and looks at the dog to her right, I think it is then that she realizes what she really wants and its not to be in Paris. Even if that's the life she might have though she wanted. It really wasn't.

My life may not be what I thought it would be but I am fascinated with the one I have and anticipate what is to come......

Nuevo Dia

Holy Moly! its s new year.. where in the world did the last one go.. ? If found please don't tell me.. there are somethings I rather never find again.. a few months ago I would have said that last year was the biggest waste of my time.. Mostly because of David.. but as I enter this year and things are still not as smooth as I like, I have learned that nothing is a waste of time and every moment even the ones that hurt more than the fires of hell ( at least it seemed that way) are all worth living through. Whether or not they are from our doing or just the deb-re of others choices, every second counts. I am SO GRATEFUL for every moment and have decided to remember all the good things with joy and just laugh (sometimes cry) at the bad ones.So here is one of the memories that hurt to remember, but now just make me smile..

David has these two rats, Rufus and Harriet ( that's my favorite) anyways, one of the things that we liked to do was put the rats on his bad and make little mazes for them. I think I enjoyed this game more than anyone.. lol.. but I loved how they would squirm around the sheets looking for and out and just when they though they found one BAM! I closed it on them.. lol.. and the game continued until I got bored and wanted to watch a movie or The Last Air bender series which was my favorite thing to do with David.


Anyways, I excited for this new year and all the great new people in it. I believe that it will be a year of traveling and major changes.. for the good! I so excited to see what new adventures are ahead.. I seem to be on one now with a new beau, who may I say is pretty sweet!! We will see where that goes... My sister is leaving on a mission and I cant wait to find out where :)
Today I leave for California for the weekend and I couldn't think of a better way to start the year than by traveling .

The Temple

As a member of The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints I have come to realize how many blessings this gospel has brought to my life, one of the greatest is the blessings of going to the Temple. Recently I have felt the need to go often, this is a place where we go to meditate and feel as close as anyone can get to our Father in Heaven.
The past two weeks have been as different as black and white. Last week was great and I went there often, it was the first time that i cried out of joy during a visit there. This week I have been a bit down and for the first time there cried tears of despair and much much yearning for help. The marvelous thing about both times was that during theses moments I felt an immense amount of love from God and knew without a doubt that all would be well.
The trick in life I believe is learning how to keep that feeling alive inside of us and to trust enough in it to keep a hopeful outlook on our lives.
Here are somethings that I believe will help us keep that:

• Service
• Laughter
• Prayer
• Work

I believe that forgetting about ourselves is one of the best ways that we can heal or more be healed. This week I have been sick and it is hard not to think of myself while in this situation. But I noticed that the more time I spent at home laying in bed watching Netflix for hours on hours the worse I felt physically and emotionally. GET OUT AND DO SOMETHING! That is the cure for most things.
I still get sad and I am still getting over this cold flu thing... but my spirits are more lifted and I am a bit happier now that I am back at work and doing whatever it is I do in the day.
My Goal this week is to sign up to help special needs kids and start learning to cook new things.. on a budget a very small budget.

In conclusion to this I have to say that most of this I have learned from going to the Temple and bringing myself closer to God. You don't have to believe in the same things I do but I believe that if we at least believe in love and in helping others our lives will be as full as mine is when I go to the Temple of God.

FALL

" Every leaf speaks bliss to me , falling from an autumn tree"

William Allingham

The fall is slowly becoming one of my favorite seasons. I live in a small town in Utah that I think has the best weather this state has to offer, but my favorite part about it is the trees and all the wonderful colors that come with them. I used to hate fall because it reminded me of the end of summer and the start of a dreadful winter, which to me meant no more tanning and bikinis. But this year I realized that it has been years since I've been tanning and even longer since I wore a bikini.
I moved back home to deal with this hard change in my life and it has been the best decision I have made in my life. It is still hard because even though I am constantly doing the things I love and am around the people I love and that love me, I am still a bit sad and miss it . But as I walk around this town and see all the beauties around me I am learning to laugh more and just laugh through the pain and whatever. My sister said I am making progress because I have not cried in like a week. I didn't even realize it until she pointed it out. Funny how we never see out own progress.
So the fall is not a sad ending but a wonderful beginning to the trials of the winter and a path we must take to get to spring. Fall is a reminder of hope to me this year!

Es gratis el Aire..

It was one if those days where no matter how much you fill your day with stuff you still cant get your mind of that one thing. Don't you wish you could just pull an Eternal Sunshine on your life sometimes.I could really use one of those memory erasers right about now. The reality is that I don't want to erase anything permanently just for a couple days at a time.
So what do I do to distract myself, the only thing (besides pray like I never have before) I know how to do, create. My mom has this old chair that I asked if I could recreate, so this is what has been taking up my time.(I'll post pictures later). Its a great chair and has turned out to be quite the project. The second day I worked on it I broke part of the back so I just glued it back on today, it was my first time using wood glue and I felt pretty special. I get excited about these things.  I also finally got all the cushions out and all the old fabric off, it was all stapled on very well so I sit on the floor and watch NetFlix while I remove them. I have watched my fair share of chick flicks, some good and some... well lets just say make me feel no worries about getting my own film produced.
These staples have been the most time consuming but every time I get one off I feel so accomplished. Like I'm slowly taking a thorn of this poor chairs back and arms. I guess I feel like this poor old chair at times, full of nasty painful staples. Anyway, I cut all the fabric out as well, and that made me very excited to see this project finished.
My parents and I went to LOWS and got some paint for it, its like a mustard yellow that reminds me of the smell of lemonade and summer.
As I worked on this chair I realized that things are not as bad as we may make them out to be, no matter how ugly some things may seem there is always something or Someone that can fix it, but it's usually not meant to be an overnight fix. My good friend Jenna Johnson reminded me to not fight the pain. I guess I'm grateful that I can feel pain.

New Start one day at a time

If I had a dollar for every "new start" I've had, I would be able to afford a nice meal at the Village Inn. I'm not going to say  that this time is different because I don't really  think that it is, but I think it might be.
My goal this time is to remember this ..

"Always remember that the future comes one day at a time." Dean Acheson

I have no idea who Dean Acheson is, but I think he knew what he was talking about.  I seem to forget  that I'm not going to just wake up one day and then "POOF" all better! I learned in institute last night that "POOF" does not exist. HA. I thought that was brilliant and a good reminder.
Anyways, this is a blog about life, my life and the many transformations it will take. That's all. I have recently taken up the hobby of creating and recreating. Its one of the most healing things that I have ever taken up. What I really want to create is a baby, but that's another story.  
 I decided to do this as a way to deal with a bad "break-up" if you want to call it that. I seemed to have completely lost myself in this situation and now I must once again find myself. it feels like Ive been searching for along time. Am I the only one who feels this way?