Romance..stay tuned...

 There is a saying that goes a little like this.. stop wishing for the life you wish you had and start living the wonderful life you have now. I can say that this is not as easy at it seems. Its easy to go through the motions but it takes real mastering to live a life. I can say that I think I am getting there. I have been through such a horrid disruption of my life that I really only have to choices. One, I jump off my sisters balcony, which would probably only result in a broken neck and fractured ankle. Two, live a wonderful life one day, one second at a time. I'm going to go with option two.
I decided to purge my life of the one person who was (I am sad to say) holding it back with the heaviest and softest of chains. It is a challenge everyday to not get my "fix". But its a good feeling to be able to breath. But, that's that part of my life is no longer of importance and it is no longer nor was it ever who I am or ever was. So moving on.
I have discovered that I have a talent for seeing and making something out of nothing. I have found many articles of clothing, dishes, old dresses and chairs into something beautiful. The same with food.
I love to cook and there is really no greater joy for me than see others enjoy what I have made for them. Today I was informed that it is intimidating to eat my food because I hoover over the people, watching them eat and asking if the food is good. I will work on not stressing out so much about that.
Stress is my number one enemy and just the tought of it gives me stress. blah. But like all my other demons I got this one too! Its funny how fast one can become a warrior. I like to imagine my self as this, sword and everything.
I can honestly say now that every brawl has been ugly but has made me more and more who I am today and I am delighted with the results so far. I like what my God is making me into. He is the greatest artist of all. And what a better canvas that the human soul. (cheesy I know)

I feel intoxicated with the cheerfulness of with my life at the moment, crap moments and all. I love sitting here on my bed with the oatmeal colored sunlight coming in through the windows of our greenroom. I love the length of my arms and how they can reach almost anything. But most I am enjoying my place, right here right now.
I feel like Carrie on Sex and The City when she is in Paris and she is sitting in a cafe and looks at the dog to her right, I think it is then that she realizes what she really wants and its not to be in Paris. Even if that's the life she might have though she wanted. It really wasn't.

My life may not be what I thought it would be but I am fascinated with the one I have and anticipate what is to come......