Romance..stay tuned...

 There is a saying that goes a little like this.. stop wishing for the life you wish you had and start living the wonderful life you have now. I can say that this is not as easy at it seems. Its easy to go through the motions but it takes real mastering to live a life. I can say that I think I am getting there. I have been through such a horrid disruption of my life that I really only have to choices. One, I jump off my sisters balcony, which would probably only result in a broken neck and fractured ankle. Two, live a wonderful life one day, one second at a time. I'm going to go with option two.
I decided to purge my life of the one person who was (I am sad to say) holding it back with the heaviest and softest of chains. It is a challenge everyday to not get my "fix". But its a good feeling to be able to breath. But, that's that part of my life is no longer of importance and it is no longer nor was it ever who I am or ever was. So moving on.
I have discovered that I have a talent for seeing and making something out of nothing. I have found many articles of clothing, dishes, old dresses and chairs into something beautiful. The same with food.
I love to cook and there is really no greater joy for me than see others enjoy what I have made for them. Today I was informed that it is intimidating to eat my food because I hoover over the people, watching them eat and asking if the food is good. I will work on not stressing out so much about that.
Stress is my number one enemy and just the tought of it gives me stress. blah. But like all my other demons I got this one too! Its funny how fast one can become a warrior. I like to imagine my self as this, sword and everything.
I can honestly say now that every brawl has been ugly but has made me more and more who I am today and I am delighted with the results so far. I like what my God is making me into. He is the greatest artist of all. And what a better canvas that the human soul. (cheesy I know)

I feel intoxicated with the cheerfulness of with my life at the moment, crap moments and all. I love sitting here on my bed with the oatmeal colored sunlight coming in through the windows of our greenroom. I love the length of my arms and how they can reach almost anything. But most I am enjoying my place, right here right now.
I feel like Carrie on Sex and The City when she is in Paris and she is sitting in a cafe and looks at the dog to her right, I think it is then that she realizes what she really wants and its not to be in Paris. Even if that's the life she might have though she wanted. It really wasn't.

My life may not be what I thought it would be but I am fascinated with the one I have and anticipate what is to come......

Nuevo Dia

Holy Moly! its s new year.. where in the world did the last one go.. ? If found please don't tell me.. there are somethings I rather never find again.. a few months ago I would have said that last year was the biggest waste of my time.. Mostly because of David.. but as I enter this year and things are still not as smooth as I like, I have learned that nothing is a waste of time and every moment even the ones that hurt more than the fires of hell ( at least it seemed that way) are all worth living through. Whether or not they are from our doing or just the deb-re of others choices, every second counts. I am SO GRATEFUL for every moment and have decided to remember all the good things with joy and just laugh (sometimes cry) at the bad ones.So here is one of the memories that hurt to remember, but now just make me smile..

David has these two rats, Rufus and Harriet ( that's my favorite) anyways, one of the things that we liked to do was put the rats on his bad and make little mazes for them. I think I enjoyed this game more than anyone.. lol.. but I loved how they would squirm around the sheets looking for and out and just when they though they found one BAM! I closed it on them.. lol.. and the game continued until I got bored and wanted to watch a movie or The Last Air bender series which was my favorite thing to do with David.


Anyways, I excited for this new year and all the great new people in it. I believe that it will be a year of traveling and major changes.. for the good! I so excited to see what new adventures are ahead.. I seem to be on one now with a new beau, who may I say is pretty sweet!! We will see where that goes... My sister is leaving on a mission and I cant wait to find out where :)
Today I leave for California for the weekend and I couldn't think of a better way to start the year than by traveling .